From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Emopedia
left
Welcome to Emopedia,
37,243 heart-rending poems in English
|
|
|
|
|
Today's Message of pain
|
Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
|
Did you care...
|
- ... that you shouldn't count your chitlins before they are hatched?
- ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... Wikipedia has an article about potato production in Zimbabwe, leaving Uncyclopedia editors stunned?
- ... that Kanye persuaded Kim Kardashian to make Mastercard famous?
- ... the 400m (1300 ft.) Wichnor Viaduct was built to carry the materials needed for its own construction?
- ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
- ... that your Windows computer is still updating?
- ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
- ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... that Crime does indeed pay very well, especially after you get caught?
- ... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool?
- ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
- ... that it was I who let the dogs out?
- ... that the word 'fuck' originally referred to a cross between a frog and a duck?
- ...that love is not what makes Subaru, a Subaru; it's rather the wheels, body, and engine?
- ... that the parasitic wasp Lathrolestes luteolator has changed its host from the sawfly to Steve Harvey??
|
|
Recent deaths
|
|
|
Today sucks because...
|
May 20: Have a Vision of the Virgin Mary Day (South America and Spain), Bacon Appreciation Day (America)
- 200 - Bacon is invented in Turkey.
- 1492 - Christina Columbus, the illegitimate daughter of a mediocre sailor, discovers a new continent, only to have her father Christopher claim the discovery as his own.
- 1551 - For an entire year, people make lame jokes about anagrams and dying of syphilis.
- 1732 - Queen Victoria, the Virgin Queen, declares war on France. Again.
- 1874 - Pope Pius IX sees the Virgin Mary on a strip of delicious bacon.
- 1927 - Charles Lindbergh impresses two continents and wins a load of cash.
- 1932 - Popeye is introduced to extra virgin Olive Oyl.
- 1971 - Responding to the Soviet Union's announcement of the day before the BBC start legal proceedings for copyright violation, claiming Mars 2 is just a cheap knock off of Button Moon.
- 1988 - Night Court is cancelled. The suicide rate for shut-ins triples overnight.
- 1995 - Some guy finally translates De Bello Gallico.
- 1999 - Sophia Capicola directs the The Virgin Suicides to the delight of spaced out club kids everywhere.
- 2004 - McCaulay Caulkin finally loses his virginity while falling from a cliff.
- 2007 - Illegal aliens crossing the US/Mexico border see the Virgin Mary in the Bush Administration's new 10000 volt border fence.
|
|
Today's featured artistry
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poets of the Month
|
|
Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
|
|
The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
|
Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
|
|
| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,243 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
|
Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
