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Today's featured article – Rastadon The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer. The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...) Recently featured: The Addams Family Finnish sauna The B-52s Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – The Addams Family The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...) Featured today, a long long time ago Cordial, featured on 17 May 2023. See the featured version. Did you know... *... the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that Every Good Boy Does Floccinaucinihilipilification? ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars? ... that space is just a money-making scheme by NASA? ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil? ... that a live action version of Steamboat Willie is set for release next summer?

In the news Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace (pictured) Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered Biden v Trump rematch confirmed UK bans puberty for children Germany spills British military secrets Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI Brits make book on King Charles cancer U.S. returns to the moon Miami aliens finger new Epstein clients Israel boasts of precision in bombings it didn't do Ukraine destroys large Russian warship, again GOP will have no candidates in 2024 Argentina goes off the deep end On this day... May 17: Day of the Exhausted Dog (Mongolia only) 0 - First Ninja Pirate born. He is easily confused with Jesus and ends up killing said Jesus and takes his place. He is worshipped in Christianity. 616 - Pope Eggs Benedict IV declares that Spain does not exist. 927 - The fucking Vikings do something really nasty, they create Norway. 1805 - Muhammed Ali becomes Waali of Egypt after knocking out rival Charlotte Brontë in the 8th round. 1849 - Millard Fillmore wins the Kentucky Derby with jockey Franklin Pierce in the irons. 1865 - Abraham Lincoln turns down tickets to the Ice Capades in order to see a play. 1975 - The year 1975 is misplaced in history. 1914 - Stand-up British gents die jolly-good deaths in World War I. 1927 - Everybody gets depressed, repressed or undressed. 1930 - First person ever born on this date is born on this date. 1935 - Prozac is invented, entering the market under the auspicious title World War II. 1982 - Pope John Paul II readmits Spain to existence, apologizes for his forepope's bigotry. The Anti-Pope George Ringo is not amused. 1986 - Ronald Reagan weeps publicly, after being called a 'nosey meddler' by Nicaraguans. Sandinistas lead GLOBAL COMMUNIST REVOLUTION resulting with complete annihilation of life. God reported to be 'alcoholic and whore-mongering'. 1993 - First use of the word LOL in recorded history. 2008 - With all the success of his book, James Madison takes a relaxing vacation in Purgatory, where there was much rejoicing! 2012 - The word LOL is finally added to the Oxford Dictionary, despite numerous protests from people such as Stephen Fry. Colonization of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,243 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

	Uncyclopedia English United Kingdom 32194	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 55644	アンサイクロペディア 日本語 Japan 20675	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 18266	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14849
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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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	Yansiklopedi Türkçe Turkey 873	اللاموسوعة العربية Iraq 1329	نانشنامه فارسی Iran 594	ანციკლ ოპედია ქართული Georgia 40	Uncyclopedia.km ភាសាខ្មែរ Cambodia 0
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	Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά Greece 2853	Scotypedia Scots Scotland 9	Frithchiclipéid Gaeilge Ireland 11	ວິກິພີເດຍ ລາວ Laos 10	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 188
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​	Oncyclopedia Nederlands Holland 3082	Kwatsjpedia Limburgs Limburgs 19	Necyklopedie Česky Czech Republic 3971	Necyklopedia Slovenčina Slovakia 1899	Unciklopédia Magyar Hungary 1776
​	Оксипедия Български Bulgaria 258	Neciclopedie Română Romania 174	Uichipedia Молдовеняскэ Moldova 84	Інциклопедія Українська Ukraine 1177	Абсурдопедия Русский Russia 4303
​	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 158	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 276	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 4720	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 12
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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